James, Pass Severus The Salt, Please
by myfoodisnotshared
Summary: There's only one thing that could spoil a long, hot, dreamy summer charming Lily in her own house. Unfortunately, said thing lives next door.
1. A Very Good Bargain

**Summary: There's only one thing that could spoil a long, hot, dreamy summer charming Lily in her own house. Unfortunately, said thing lives next door.**

"You're kidding me," Lily said, a strand of frizzy red hair falling in her eyes. "This is a prank, right?"

"My dear girl, I'm sixty or seventy years too old for pranks," Dumbledore said kindly, his blue eyes twinkling. "Though they do seem quite fashionable these days. Perhaps Mr Potter here could give me some tips?"

James grinned at the famous wizard, mind already whizzing through all the things they could accomplish with so much magic. What he would give to be as powerful and brilliant as Dumbledore… Not that he considered himself far off, being the best at Transfiguration in the year. "It's all in the element of surprise," he said conspirituality, and Lily huffed.

"Consider this an awful surprise, sir," she spat out, and James glanced at her. Lily Evans, being rude to a Professor - the Headmaster, even? Perhaps this was just a pleasant dream.

Dumbledore didn't seem perturbed, and smiled fondly at them. "I know it's a shock, Miss Evans, but it is necessary. I'm sorry to say that with so many Death Eater attacks, it would be beyond reckless to let a muggleborn go home unprotected, and the wards need more than one magical presence to sustain them. I assure you, we're doing the same for all the muggleborns."

"Then why can't someone else go?" She asked, turning to glare at him. "Why does it have to be Potter? It could be any of the girls in my dorm, I'm sure Marlene would go. Or - or Severus could just move in with me, he lives practically next door anyway."

James' stomach plummeted. He had known Lily and the git were close, or used to be at least, but he hadn't realised they were neighbours. His hands fisted under the table at the thought of being replaced by Snivellus, but Dumbledore was shaking his head, his long beard swishing against the desk.

"I am afraid not, Miss Evans, I'm afraid not. Warding is a tricky business, and must be completed by someone who values your life, or it is of little worth. Of the students who care for you, only the Potters would allow their son to disappear for the whole summer. They themselves are going abroad, to hunt Potions ingredients in South America." Dumbledore glanced at James, as though evaluating whether he minded being abandoned, and he grinned at him to show his delight. A whole summer without any trekking, or digging up plants, or eating weird foreign food in a tent in the boiling heat? A whole summer with Lily? It was the best gift his parents could give him.

"And Severus?" Lily pressed, and James' good mood vanished. "His mother won't mind."

For the first time, Dumbledore looked uncomfortable at her piercing stare. "I'm afraid that Severus has taken to some types of magic that, although strictly within the bounds of the law, are not compatible with this type of warding. I would not look so smug if I were you, Mr Potter," he said, and the smirk fell from his lips, "at least Severus has stayed within the law."

James went cold. Surely he didn't… No, James comforted himself, Dumbledore had no-idea they were animagi. Even he couldn't overlook three students breaking upwards of a dozen magical rules. He probably just knew about the potion ingredient stealing, or the trip to France, or the time they kept a pet Freshwater Plimpie in their dorm. (Remus had cried when it grew too large to keep under his bed anymore, though that might have been because it had eaten all his notes.)

Before Lily could raise another objection, Dumbledore raised his hand. "I am truly sorry that your summer will not be as free as you wish, but you must consider the alternative. Would you leave yourself and your family unprotected?" Lily was silent. "Then we are in agreement. When you leave on the Hogwarts Express in a few weeks, you will return to your house with James, and I will set the wards myself. Now, I believe you two both have revision to do."

They both understood the dismissal, and left the office, James taking a handful of cockroach clusters as he left. Before he could offer one to Lily, or hug her in sheer delight, she had strode off, muttering about stupid wards and petunias. He watched her retreating back, and how the sun made the rat spleen stain on her robes shine and her mussed hair turn to a torrent of fire… This was his chance, at last. After five years of trying, this was his chance.

And boy was he going to take it.

"Will you miss magic over the Summer, James?" Peter asked, as he tried to lick the rest of the chocolate from his lips and chin. The frog had put up one hell of a fight, but it was a lost battle to get between Peter and his sweets. "You've never really had to stop before."

"I couldn't use it much," James pointed out, "except for practising with mum or dad." How different could it be?

"But you had magical stuff, and a house elf, and quidditch when you were home. And you did all that Potions practise with your dad." Peter reminded him, and James grinned at the thought - a whole summer without even the word Potions. "I miss _everything_ about magic when I'm at home."

Peter's family were peculiar purebloods. They had magical jobs and magical lives, but liked their home to be as muggle as possible. His mother had the locals round to play bridge every week, and all the photos had permanent freezing charms on them. They even had that stuff muggles used to make things move and make sounds and light… Elecy-something. James shrugged. "It's only for the summer. And _Lily_ will be there."

Sirius, who had been staring out the window as though trying to cause a forest fire with his eyes, turned round at that. "Great. No magic, but you can spend your summer being rejected. Sounds like fun."

James frowned. Sirius had mocked him a thousand times for his Lily-love, but he never suggested it was pointless. He was always goading him on, thinking of new ways to win her heart (the charm on Severus' robes reading _Ask Potter Out_ had been him) and valiantly keeping his spirits up when Lily had somewhat different feelings. (They had woken up the next day with _N_ and _O_ on their foreheads, and couldn't get it off for a week.)

"It'll be fun," Peter chimed in, upbeat as always. "And sure, it'll be hard to be without magic, but if you learn to live with muggles, mum might let you stay again." The last time hadn't gone well, and the whole bridge club had to be obliviated.

"Because staying with muggles is so difficult," Sirius muttered, staring gloomily out the window again. James sighed - he hadn't been able to get through to him for weeks now.

"It's only two months, Sirius," he said, but he didn't so much as blink. Sure, James knew that Sirius hated his family, but it wasn't as though he was allowed to visit anyway - the Potter family was usually out of the country, if not the continent.

An idea popped into his head. "Hey Siri, you can come see me! You live in London, right? And so does Lily." He wasn't sure where in London, but he would find out soon. Sirius seemed to perk up a bit at that, enough to convince Peter he had chocolate on his ear at least, and James gave him a fond smile. He knew this summer would be good.

"And you could visit too, right Peter? And Remus, maybe." Their furry friend was out like a light, and snoring lightly. The full moon would be in two days, and he would have to face it alone, trapped in a basement in the middle of Manchester.

"I would have to stay over," Peter said doubtfully, but at James' look, he nodded eagerly. "Yeah, alright, it's only a few trains from Cornwall."

"Inviting people over to my house already, Potter?" Came an icy voice, and James' head whipped around to see Lily, already changed into her muggle clothes. Her hair was sleek and plaited this time, no funny Potions smells at all, and James stomach did that melting thing that made him feel like he'd swallowed Amortentia. "Can I have a word?"

He tripped over Peter's leg on the way out, and closed the carriage door awkwardly behind him. "I didn't mean to -"

"You never mean to," she snapped, then glanced at his robes. They were brand-new from Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions, and made him look even more broad shouldered than he was. The fourth-year Ravenclaw with the nose piercing had even wolf whistled. "Why are you wearing those?"

"Why am I - oh." James thought hard, mentally flipping through his trunk. "I don't own any muggle clothes."

Lily was looking at him as though he had done this deliberately, or at least thoughtlessly, which James couldn't accept. It wasn't really his fault - he'd had exams to think about, and day dreams of taking Lily to see fun muggle things, like muggle zoos and muggle swimming pools. Somehow, muggle clothes just hadn't crossed his mind. "I don't care how, but I'm not taking you home in _anything_ but jeans and a t-shirt, understood?"

James nodded. He could do that, he thought, as soon as found out what jeans were. "Where do your parents live, anyway? Are we taking an automobile?"

"Car," Lily corrected. "And yeah, we are. Look, I want to set some rules before we arrive."

Fine by him, James thought. After all, rules were meant to be broken. "Fire away."

"Listen carefully, I won't take _forgetting_ as an excuse," she said, tossing her plaits back and glaring sternly up at him like a short, hot version of McGonagall. "First, no magic at all except owl post, and only at night. You can keep your zonko rubbish in your trunk. Secondly, no touching anything muggle until I've explained it, and no talking to the neighbours. I've heard all about that incident with Peter's parents." James winced. How was he supposed to know, at the tender age of twelve, that muggles didn't have invisibility cloaks, or that people didn't live inside televisions? "Thirdly, no insulting my sister or talking to her about magic, it's not worth it. Fourthly, no flirting at all, but definitely not in front of my parents. I don't want my dad to chuck you out, for the sole reason that we may then be murdered. And fifthly -"

"This is a really long list," James said, but her glare silenced him. Perhaps he should summon parchment to write it all down.

"And fifthly, you're not to play a single prank on me, my sister, my parents or Severus."

"What?" James asked, staring at her as though she'd grown a second head, and that head was his worst enemy laughing at him. "But - but you're not friends anymore."

"How clever of you to notice that, Potter," she sneered, strangely Slytherin-like in her disgust. "No, we're not friends anymore, but we're still neighbours. And dark magic or not, he's better company than you. So if you see him, there'll be no pranks, no insults, no nastiness, and none of your look-how-hot-I-am macho bullshit."

James would have asked her if she thought he was hot, but he'd already got the answer to that question a few dozen times. A boy could dream though. He crossed his arms and glared down at her - Lily didn't even reach his chin these days - and quickly ran through her rules in his mind. "That's a lot to remember. Hell of a lot of rules, Lils."

"Don't call me that," she snapped, as ever.

"I'm just saying, I'm going to need some incentive to remember all that," James said, hope growing suddenly in his chest. Could he…

Lily was giving him that cold, calculating look that didn't suit her, and his words died in his throat. Merlin, how did she do this to him? "Fine," she said, looking extremely put out. "You want your friends to stay, yes? They can visit, and Peter can stay over for a night, and Remus can stay for two. Happy?"

"Hmm, don't think that's going to cut it, Lils," James said, a grin itching at the corner of his lips. "I mean, being nice to Snivellus… being nice to your sister, and your parents, and your neighbours… That's a lot of nice for one guy."

Lily was looking rather like Sirius, as though she wanted to set him on fire. "You're staying at my house," she reminded him. "As my guest."

"As your saviour," he corrected, "and as your very polite, not at all forgetful saviour. So I want something in return. For every week that I'm a good little houseguest, you go on a date with me. A nice romantic afternoon, and an activity of my choice. Oh, and two days for Peter, and three for Remus - they live very far away, you know."

"That's - that's not going to happen," she said, but James could see it in her eyes. She was cornered. "Look, they can all stay a week, and no dates."

"A date every week, and I'll make sure my friends are nice to Sni- Snape too, final offer," James said, watching her cheeks burn red. Oh, he liked that colour. "Come on, how bad will it be? And - and I won't tell a soul. Not even Sirius."

Lily studied him for a moment, as though he was a particularly nasty but unavoidable exam question. "And you won't be even _slightly_ mean to Severus?"

James thought quickly. "I reserve the right to be half as rude as he is, I won't sit around silently if he calls you that word again, and we're not hanging out like the three musketeers or some shit." That git was so slimy, always following Lily around like a lost puppy - James couldn't believe he did it all summer too. "Deal?"

"Deal," she said, quickly, as though trying to get it over with. "And find some muggle clothes, Potter." 

This was going to be the best summer of his life.

 **A/N: Whoop, whoop, you guys like? Please leave me reviews, I'm a lost soul and I write for attention, so no updates unless you feed the beast!**

 **P.S. This is posted on both and AO3. I'm new to AO3 so if I've mucked up the format, or you have suggested tags, please tell me.**


	2. Scraping the Sky And Each Others Nerves

Story so far: James has to stay at Lily's house to power the protection wards. In exchange for James being on his best behaviour to everyone (including Snape), Lily will go on one date a week with him.

On the bright side, James did find some muggle clothes to wear, and they were the specified jeans and t-shirt. On the not-so-bright side, he borrowed them from Peter.

They had tried to resize a shirt for him, but after twenty minutes of flipping through books and casting hopefully, it had one giant sleeve, a collar that would have fit a doll and had gone a muddy brown colour. As the train pulled into the station, James had wriggled into Peter's loosest clothes, and glared at his best friends. "Not a word," he warned.

"Not even a picture?" Peter asked in a small, delighted voice, and James stalked off.

"Is that -"

"Potter's wearing -"

"Does he think that's _normal_ for muggles -"

" _Is_ that normal for muggles?" One boy asked, and James simply turned his head and said 'yes' in a tone of utter conviction. Maybe the universe would bless him, and the boy would try wearing the same?

At last, he was on the station, looking round for Lily's blazing red hair and waving at his friends. Peter's mother was smothering him in kisses - take a picture of _that_ \- and Remus was laughing with his father. Sirius was standing with his brother for the first time all year, though they were both looking pointedly in the opposite direction. And then -

"You must be James," a giant of a man said. He was easily six foot four, with blondish hair, a squat face and a pleasant smile. The resemblance to Lily was non-existent, except for the green eyes, which had the same bright intelligence. "I'm Albert Evans, a pleasure to meet you." He stopped, seemingly taking in the full-effect for the first time. "Are you - you seem to be wearing..."

Words failed them both for a moment. "Yes - I, uh, borrowed them. Only had wizard's robes," he stuttered, realising with a sinking feeling that this was _Lily's dad_. The first time he met her father, and - well -

"Perhaps we can get you some new clothes for the summer then," he said, as evenly as possible, which only made James blush more.

"Yeah, sounds great," he said, his words running together. "I have money - muggle money that is, my parents owled it to me. I mean, by owled, I mean -"

James Potter was ready to hand in his Most Attractive Fifth Year Wizard badge, awarded by none other than Acadia Vane, in light of recent events. Two second year girls burst into giggles as they walked by.

Just because Peter was short and plump, and James was tall and broad, and the clothes… Well, pinched in places and sagged in others.

"Merlin, what are you wearing, Potter?" Lily asked, jogging over to them. James could see Marlene in the distance, looking at him as though staring hard enough would turn him into a frog at any moment. If he had the option, he might have.

"What you told me to wear," he said, glancing round for the escape route. "Can we go now?"

"In a moment," Mr Evans said, his lips going pale with the effort of not smiling. "Just as soon as - ah, there you are Severus. Have you had a good year?"

James turned. Severus was looking at him with a mixture of confusion, horror, disgust and glee. "What are you wearing? And _why_?" Severus said, his normal drawl absent, but the hate ever-present.

James stiffened. "You're hardly -"

But he stopped, glancing at Lily. She had a smug, cat-got-the-cream grin, and raised one delicate eyebrow. He swallowed, hard. "I'm staying with Lily all summer," he said, and Snape looked like he'd just sucked a lemon, eyes darting between them.

"We were just looking for you, Severus," Mr Evans broke in hastily, eyes darting between them. "Have you got all your luggage boys? Lily? Good, let's go to the car."

"If you two kill each other, I'm not cleaning it up," Lily muttered in a voice too low for her father to hear, as they wheeled their bags through the platform, through the wall and to the station exit.

"Sweet Merlin," James cursed under his breath, jogging to keep up with them. There were muggles everywhere, and muggle machines, and muggle papers and muggle trains and muggles giving him suspicious, anxious looks.

"Never been to the dirt world, Potter?" Severus hissed, out of earshot of Mr Evans. "Not good enough for you?"

James looked quickly away from a man in a strange uniform, who was giving their bags suspicious looks. "I didn't realise Death Eaters made day trips to the muggle world, Snivellus," James hissed, "what are you, the tour guide? Do they pay you? Is that your uniform?"

Snape went red and blotchy, but Lily had twisted round, sensing trouble in that bizarrely accurate way of hers. "Something wrong, Potter?" Her voice was scarily polite.

"Nothing," he said quickly, "it's a big station."

And then they were out in the open at last, except it wasn't truly open. Buildings crammed round them, and there were muggle cars everywhere, and muggle car-directing-systems, and lots of busses that were bright red instead of bright purple.

Suddenly Lily was next to him, giving him a concerned look, which would have been wonderful if Snape wasn't watching his every move. "Really Potter, you look like shit. Have you - oh bugger it, you're one of those purebloods, aren't you?"

"What kind of pureblood?" Mr Evans asked interestedly.

"The type that's never been in the muggle world," Lily said, not even bothering to check with him. "Jeez, I'd thought that story with Pettigrew was an exaggeration. Look, it's fine, just follow us, yeah?"

If only Snape would bugger off, and he could ask Lily what to do, and if hiding his owl might help. Fuzzy was sleeping, unconcerned by another Hogwarts train journey, but the muggles around seemed to find him very odd. James knew they didn't use them for post, but did they not even keep owls as pets?

He followed Lily until they found the car in the car park, which had knocked James for six at the sheer sight of it. There had been hundreds of parked vehicles, and Mr Evans had cheerfully said that there were five floors on this car park, and dozens of car parks in the area, and hundreds in the city. James had stayed rather quiet after that, but he gave Snape a swift, triumphant look when showing Mr Evans his shrinking bag.

Mr Evans' face had split into a delighted grin. "That's _marvellous_. Look at that, Lily! Eleanor and I never get to see magic, except for our yearly trip to that wizarding street, Diaglom Alley."

"Dia- _gon_ Alley, dad," Lily corrected, an affectionate smile on her lips.

"It's a good thing it does shrink," Mr Evans said, as he stowed the now briefcase-sized bag under a seat. There's no more room in the boot, so let's put Severus' bags on the front seat, and then you three kids go in the back. You've got your owl, James? All aboard then!"

The three of them looked at each other, horrified, before Lily huffed. "I'll take the middle seat," she said, and they clambered in after her.

It was squished and stuffy and the car moved very slowly, but James didn't mind at all, because he spent every second craning his neck to see out the window. Everything amazed him - street after street of chaos, people moving on strange contraptions with wheels, and buildings that rose and rose and rose into the sky.

"What _is_ that?" James asked, forgetting for a moment that Snape was just a few feet away. Lily leant over him, or tried to, but Fuzzy's cage was in the way. Suddenly, James didn't like Fuzzy much.

"Oh, that's a skyscraper," she said, and then grinned at James' mind-blown face. "They don't actually scrape the sky, and it's nothing to New York. I can't believe you haven't seen one before."

"We don't go into the muggle world, really," James said, feeling awful and out-of-place. "I've walked through muggle towns to meet magical friends, but what with the Statue of Secrecy… We stay away from cities, you know?"

"Because who knows what evil lurks there," Severus muttered and James glared at him. Unfortunately, Lily was sitting between them, and intercepted him with that _I-own-you_ look he was quickly learning to hate.

"Come on Severus, I'm sure James has a good reason," Mr Evans said, his eyes still on the traffic, which was picking up pace at last.

James shrugged. "My grandparents grew up in the 1850s when some muggles still believed in witchcraft, so they only visited if there was dire need. They never brought their children - my dad and mum - because the world was so violent. It's too much of a risk for my parents to be around muggles now, because they know nothing about this world. Breaking the Statue is the number one reason why people get sent to Azkaban - that's the wizarding prison, and it's nasty as hell - and there's been so much change… It's sad really, because the longer they stay away, the higher of risk is."

They lapsed mostly into silence after that, broken only by James' occasional quests for information, Mr Evans' confusing explanations that Lily had to interpret, and Snape's periodic insults. He learnt about motorways, and lorries, and he asked about engines, but he was obviously missing something, because there was no way that mini explosions were propelling them forward.

At last, they turned into a quiet, rather downtrodden street, and Mr Evans parked up. "Home again, home again, jiggety-jig!" He said, and helped them get their bags out. "Do you want something to drink before you go home, Severus? Eleanor has missed you, you know."

Snape - who had grown mercifully quiet as they neared the Evans' house - shook his head. He glanced awkwardly at Lily, who was pointedly looking at the ground. That day by the lake, pushed out of the way on the journey home, hovered between them. James tried to remember everything he knew about wandless, wordless mind control, and directed it at Snape's greasy head. _Tell them you're busy this summer. Tell them you're busy this summer._

But Snape caught his eye, and his gaze hardened. Competitive little sod. "I'll come round tomorrow, if that's good," he said, with a polite nod to Mr Evans. "See you soon, Lily."

Lily glared at him, but he was already scooping his bags up, his ridiculous shirt billowing behind him.

They trooped into the house, stumbling over each other in the small corridor. At last they were in the kitchen, and a short, brown-haired woman hung up the phone as they came in, smiling broadly. "Lily-flower!" She opened her arms and Lily ran over, hugging her mother hard. "Oh, every time you go I think you'll never come back!" She was laughing, but James looked away. She was strikingly similar to his own mum, if several decades younger. "And where's Severus?"

James gritted his teeth. How had the git wormed his way so deeply into their lives? But Lily had gone stiff, and pulled away. "Seeing his mum," she said with a shrug. "This is James Potter, by the way."

"Pleasure to meet you, Mrs Evans," he said, shaking her hand with his most charming smile. The clothes rather ruined the effect, but James was determined; by the end of the summer, _he_ would be the asked-about school friend. _Not_ the git.

"Who was that on the phone?" Lily interrupted, one arm still slung around her mother's waist. "Was it Petunia?"

"Yes, dear," Mrs Evans said, looking rather anxious. "I just explained to her the arrangement, and she's - not best pleased to be sharing a room with you. She's gone to a friend's house to cool off. Don't worry, sweetheart, I'm sure she'll be home soon."

But Lily was shaking her head. "Fine," she said, almost savagely. "She can act like a child if she wants, that's not my problem. Come on, James, you'll sleep in my room."

He followed her down the corridor, into a small, pokey room with light blue walls. The furniture was shabby, and even though James knew nothing about muggle houses, he knew it was cheap. "Thank you," he said, trying to force as much sincerity into the words as possible. "For sharing, with your sister. That's Petunia, right?"

"Yep," Lily said, closing the door behind them. The room suddenly felt unbearably small. "And don't thank me. You're not here because I want you to be."

Well, that was a slap in the face. "I've kept the rules though, haven't I?" He reviewed them quickly. "No magic, no muggle things, no Petunia, no flirting and no pranks."

Lily lifted an eyebrow, arms crossed tightly against her chest. "And I thought I'd never see the day: the Great James Potter, remembering the rules."

James grinned at her, running a hand through his hair and standing up a little straighter. "I have excellent reason to remember," he said, and she snorted in disgust.

"Rule number four, Potter, rule number four," was all she said, and she left him to unpack.

James was just putting _Wonderful Woollongong: Memoirs of the Zigzag Chaser King_ on the shelf, next to the rather slender _Quidditch Through the Minutes: How the Shortest Games were Won,_ when it hit him.

He had a week to plan his first date with Lily, in the muggle world, with no way of asking his friends for help.

His _first date_. With _Lily Evans_.

Crossing abruptly to the trunk, he pulled an inkpot and quill out, straightened the quill feathers and leant some parchment against a book. There was no desk, and James felt a pang of longing for his own bedroom… and his study and games room and bathroom and quidditch fields and semi-illegal magic lessons. No Lily in that world though, and definitely no dates with Lily.

James put quill to parchment, writing as legibly as he could.

 _Wormtail,_

 _Hope your home and being bombarded with cake and sweets by now. (That actually sounds like a great end-of-year prank, if we could convince the house-elves.) Lily's parents are lovely people, and Lily is as brilliant as ever. She doesn't seem that fond of me, yet, but I have eight weeks to work with!_

 _The muggle world is different, isn't it? It's like being dropped off on another planet, I'm not sure what Dumbledore was thinking. What's fun to do? My parents sent me lots of muggle money to have fun, and I want to treat Lily. The only problem is Snivellus. Everyone seems to think he'll hang around here all the time, which is just creepy. Maybe if it's something that muggle girls like to do, he won't want to come?_

 _Looking forward to seeing you. Be nice to the people in the box._

 _Prongs._

James looked the letter over with satisfaction, then rolled it up to send later. He had been rather sly, he thought - though definitely not Slytherinesque.

With the full force of the Marauders behind him, who could stop James in his mission to make Lily Evans fall in love with him? With a grin, James went to do what all charming young men know by instinct - to become friends with Lily's mother.

 **A/N: Thanks so much for the comments! Updates won't always be this quick, but I'll try to make them at least once a week.**

 **Is this going too slow? I know it's taken about 5,000 words to cover… 2 and half hours of story time. We will speed through the next few days, I promise!**

 **If you have any questions or things that don't seem to work, ask away :)**


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